so many people. BIG GOD.

Have you ever sat and thought how many people there really are in the world? You go to bed at night and you think about your day and how you handled things and how you're planning to live tomorrow. You are one person out of billions. 

Maybe it's just me, but that thought crosses my mind often. How can I be so absorbed in my life and how things affect me and then there be billions of other people doing the same thing. 

They live life the same as I do. They wake up, they live their day and they go to sleep. The contents of their day is certainly different and what happens to them and what affects their moods, attitudes and actions are certainly different. 

It makes me feel incredibly small and REALLY insignificant when I want to gripe or stress out about something. Makes me think that maybe my life really doesn't matter quite as much as I can convince myself sometimes. 

I don't say that in a negative sense because it also makes me recognize the size of God more clearly. That there could be THAT many people with THAT many individual thoughts and stresses and victories and He is God to all of them. All at once. Mind-blowing. 

I am currently reading "Hurt" by Chap Clark. It is an incredible book about how to understand and love teenagers. To be honest it is challenging me in how I mentor and just generally love the teens that God has placed in my life.

One of the HUGE points that it has been making in the last few chapters is to make sure that they know that they matter to you. Not just that you're there or that you care, but that they actually matter. I am making it a point to say this out loud to them and also show them when they choose to open up or I am given the opportunity to be a part of their lives 

Being a teacher is hard. Being a teacher who chooses to invest time, energy, and tears into their students is even harder.

Today at lunch I found myself reading and just fighting back breaking down in tears at the thought that I would not live up to what I need to in order to do what God has called me to do. 

Some of these boys have had some rough lives. And some are living realities that just don't make sense. And for some reason they have chosen to open up and trust me to listen and be there for me. I want them to know that they matter to me. A lot. A ton. An inconceivable amount. 

I want them to know this because there were times in my teen life that I didn't feel that from anyone. That doesn't mean no one did, it means that I didn't feel it. I don't want there to be any mistake in their minds. None. 

I was able to spend the evening last night over at the house of one of my friends and his mom. It was fantastic. Had fajitas and just sat around and talked for hours. Got to share my story and got to hear some of theirs. It was a good night. 

I love this friend and I know God has some big awesome things in store for us.

It's been a while since I have written here. This has felt good. Sorry for the absence.

 

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it.

P.S. It was crazy cold this morning.

Thank God.

So, just like most "tumultuous" days ahead, today was not as bad as it seemed to be lurking on the horizon. 

Thank God. 

After all the dust has settled, I honestly believe that more good than bad will come from the situation. 

School was good. After work I came home and just relaxed. No meetings, no long conversations. It was nice. 

Josh and I went to dinner and subsequently walked around downtown and then ended up at Starbucks, big surprise. We always end up talking about the HUGE things in our lives and just really big picture issues. Not complaining. 

Today was a good day, all things considered. I preordered two new albums from two of my favorite bands. So that is exciting. 

Looking forward to going to bed tonight and actually going to sleep. 

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

P.S. Here are some photos of me with some really awesome people. 

Karrie and me after not seeing each other for a long time! 

Fort Smith, Arkansas

Ashley and me at the Waffle House.

Garland, Texas

Dustin and me being crazy.

Not sure, USA

Ashton and me being crazy in the car.

Greenville, Texas

Tomorrow is coming.

School. Meeting. Bible study. Bed. My day. 

It will be an interesting day tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Not much else to say. I hate that I feel this way. 

When you are invited into someone's life, past their walls of protection, you are then required to be both the good guy and the bad guy, the nice guy and the meanie, the friend and the foe. But that's the risk you take when wanting to be invited and investing time behind those walls.

When you tell someone to, "Handle your responsibilities and stand by your convictions." you must do the same. Even when it sucks, royally. Even when this action makes it look like you can't be trusted. 

I hate this. But I would rather be hated for doing what is right than be loved for doing otherwise.

And I am well aware than my actions were not only done out of love, but also out of a willingness to remain faithful to promises made. 

It doesn't make it suck any less.

When you choose how much to love someone, you have to choose how much you're willing to be hurt by that person. And that is painstakingly true. 

So, I breathe and pray and trust God that He is bigger and wiser and better and more apt to handle things than me. And He is all of these things and so much more.

I am exhausted, I am gun-shy, I am anxious and I am prayerful. 

I am also now going to bed, because tomorrow is coming and it will be trying. 

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

P.S. I am choosing my last thought and prayer of the night to be of and for Alexander. He is a blind, disabled, mentally-delayed and beautiful 10-year-old Dominican child with whom I was blessed to come to know last month. 

Alexander sleeping.

Dominican Republic

Good day.

So it looks like this will be the normal time I post on the weekends. 

Today was good. Woke up a lot earlier than I would have liked in a perfect world. I can hear my mother now, "You're gonna sleep the day away...". Thanks mom. 

Ate some toast and worked on some college stuff. Yep, taking more classes in order to become certified with the organization that governs my school.

Josh came over and we went to eat lunch at Terry's. It's a burger place in Greenville. Correction, it's THE burger place in Greenville. We had some good conversation and then took off on one of our patented "adventures". This entailed driving aimlessly around and down county roads and unmarked roads just to see what we could find. He is one of my absolute best friends and I would not take anything in the world for him or his influence in my life. 

He went home and I rented a movie called "The Kings of Summer". Fantastic movie. LOVED it. 

Austin, a good friend, was leaving to go back to college in San Marcos tonight so he came over to hang out for a little while before he took off. It was good to spend time and just chill. 

Ended my night at Starbucks, shocker I know, helping one of students with his photography. He has come a long way in his work and is definitely developing an eye for quality photography. 

It was a good Saturday. Sorry this post doesn't contain some philosophical or spiritual lesson. Just my day. This will happen. I'm OK with it if you are. 

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

P.S. Here are some photos from our exploring. 

Inside an old abandoned barn #1.

Greenville, TX

Inside an old abandoned barn #2.

Greenville, TX

Friday. Just a Friday.

It's later than when I normally post, but it's been a long day. It had been a pretty good day for the most part. Nothing earth shattering from either sides of the spectrum. 

School was good. I am excited to see the sculpture class's projects begin to take shape. The assignment is to ask tons of questions about yourself and list as many words describing yourself as you can. And from those answers and list of words, they are to construct a metaphorical self portrait sculpture. Should be interesting. 

Tonight was good. Got to spend it with a good friend. We ate and just hung out. No serious talks or life-altering decision making, just hung out. It was great. 

Afterwards we went over to an old friend of mine's apartment and stood out on the roof and talked for a good while just catching up. It was nice. Very peaceful. It's interesting all the crap you choose to forget about or mentally block out when you just want to chill. Glad I got to do that tonight.  

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

[CG]

View from my friend's apartment's roof.

Dallas, TX

At peace.

Long day. Stressful but peaceful at the same time. I think I've grown today as a leader. When you do something you know is right, but you feel awful about it 2 things can happen. You beat yourself up about it or you find peace in it because you know it was the right thing to do. 

School was good today and I'm excited/stressed out/ nervous/anxious/happy about this new semester. There's a ton of things to get done. I'm going to have to lower my head and charge it. So here we go. 

As someone who has studied and read over the relationship of Paul and Timothy, it's interesting to see myself be a "Timothy" for so many years to now consider myself in the "Paul" role is overwhelming, but good. What I love is that I am still in the "Timothy" role enough that I don't feel alone in the "Paul" role. 

This week I have learned what it means to love someone enough to hold them accountable to the point of having them pay the consequences for actions they may not deem "that bad." In the end I am confident that it is for the best. Still praying about all of it. But for the most part, I have peace. 

So I leave you tonight feeling content in the happenings of the day and the conversations had. 

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

[CG]

P.S. Here are some more scans from the 120 film. 

Eagle podium statue.

Montego Bay, Jamaica

Angel statue.

Greenville, TX

Starbucks (my second home).

Greenville, TX

Joshua Slinkard outside Starbucks. 

Greenville, TX

Feelings and film scans.

It was a pretty mediocre day. Not great, not awful. Just a day. Not complaining. 

It was a hard night. Still struggling. It will end well. And if it doesn't, I have very little control any way. That's something I'm learning. Do what is right. Handle your responsibilities. Stand by your convictions. Even if it sucks. Royally.

So goodnight, good morning or good afternoon to you, depending on when this blog finds you reading it. 

[CG]

P.S. Here are some scans from some 120 film I shot not too long a ago. Had them developed and scanned by Indie Film Lab in Montogomery, Alabama. 

Fireworks on the 4th of July. 

Greenville, TX

Elderly gentleman outside of a church.

Montego Bay, Jamaica

Mason Rook on a bus.

Montego Bay, Jamaica

House on Park Street.

Greenville, TX

Old barn in a field.

Arkansas, USA

Nephew on his 6th birthday.

Birthright, TX

My parents at their place.

Kellogg, TX